yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
is wine microwaveable?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
