Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
