just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
