and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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