Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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