Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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