i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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