I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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