So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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