My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
