When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
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Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
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Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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