It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
