Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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