my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
