we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
