wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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