You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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