so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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