ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
