I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
do nipples grow back?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
