I just pynch a tree in the face
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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