I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
