im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize