I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast