What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.