On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
How does it feel to date your dad?