so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
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Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
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you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.