No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
