What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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