smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
