i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
