I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
