So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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