is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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