you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!