i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
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every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
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Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
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