my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
