After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
