When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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