dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
where are my eyebrows?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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