I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
