i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
