Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
