I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
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I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
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I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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