I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
