so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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