you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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