You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
