She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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