As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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