God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
