My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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