I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
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He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
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Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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