Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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