does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
