you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
