Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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