The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
