Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
