Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
