believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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